is simply when we have double standards: We hold others to a standard, but we object or are offended if they hold US to the very same standard.
I know of a group that distrusts nearly everyone outside their group, but they can’t handle it if you have any doubts at all about them. Suspicious of everyone, but can’t cope if someone is suspicious of them.
Related to this is the “holding at arm’s length” thing: Whenever i find out that someone is a believer i joyfully and lovingly call them my brother or sister. But some get unsettled at this, and hold me at arm’s length, as if to say, Ok… lets see first if you REALLY ARE my brother, before we get too close, before I call you brother…
That’s bad.
You don’t have to fear getting hurt, just love everyone liberally. If the blessing remains, praise God; if it returns to you, then move on. What have we got to lose?
Ian Vincent 
January 28, 2010 at 2:04 am
Mat 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
The poor in spirit have nothing to lose. They are not defensive bcos they have nothing to defend, they already lost everything at the Cross, which is why they don’t fear getting hurt : suffering personal loss. Sure, we’re all human, but we don’t live as mere humans.
January 30, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Yes, I subscribe to this viewpoint (as you’ve outlined it in this article) in my heart as well.
We sometimes become grieved to learn that those whom we love (for they are brethren) have no love for us … but this grieving makes Jesus all the more real to us … and helps us to love those that the Lord gives to us (without partiality) all the more.
Peace
January 31, 2010 at 12:32 am
I have become a fool in boasting; you have compelled me:
for I ought to have been commended by you:
for in nothing am I behind the very chief apostles, though I be nothing. Truly the signs of an apostle were done among you in all patience, in signs, and wonders, and mighty deeds. For what is it in which you were inferior to other churches, except it be that I myself was not burdensome to you? forgive me this wrong. Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.
And I will very gladly spend
and be spent for you, though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved.
But be it so, I did not burden you: nevertheless, being crafty, I took you with guile. Did I make a gain of you by any of them whom I sent unto you? I urged Titus, and with him I sent a brother. Did Titus make a gain of you? walked we not in the same spirit? walked we not in the same steps? Again, do you think that we excuse ourselves unto you? we speak before God in Christ:
but we do all things, dearly beloved, for your edifying.
For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found unto you such as you desire not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, conceit, tumults: And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall mourn over many who have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and licentiousness which they have committed.
(2Co 12:11-21)
Paul doesn’t regret being spent for them, while their lack of love grieved him, he was still glad to spend and be spent for them. He was happy even though the love was not mutual.
Isn’t this a wonderful example. I want to be more like that.